And it was so that the time had come…….

So the greatest stories ever told now end with a new beginning. So begins the last chapter of the holy Rafan bibles……

Chapter 125

Yes dear friends it’s over

(the sequence of events in this chapter may be slightly imperfect due to dramatic effect and the fact that I don’t exactly remember their order)

An oddly happy man stood before them and pronounced just as proud as a peacock, "The class of 1995!"

Just then a great crack appeared in the roof of the field house and might beams of brilliant light shown in. The crowds screamed as large pieces of concrete and viciously sharp metal fell in random chunks to the ground below.

(fortunately one of those darling little death bringers landed grotesquely on a one damnable Mrs. ****. Oh well! He he he)

Those who weren’t bounded in hysterics saw an incredible, amazing, and truly awesome sight that day. The beams of light shifted , bent, curved, and coiled down lifting up certain people from the crowds. And the light raised them up, higher, up through the crack in the roof, up higher into the sky where they were joined by indistinguishable others. To say indistinguishable because these beings no longer maintained human forms but appeared to be spheres of glowing radiant light. When they all met at a very far off height, they became one and shot off into the stars.

Among the casualties that frightening, glorious day were; one damnable Mrs. **** who had been viscously dragged away by demons of the dark in the shape of monkeys (thuroughly aroused and in heat) and, of course, your’s truly…….

THE RAFANS!

As the mighty sphere raced through the stormy empty space, the Rafans "spoke" to one another. I say "spoke" not because they communicated as humans conceive it, they spoke as only Rafans know how to "speak". They spoke with their hearts and their bowls.

"Wa, what happened?" one asked.

"I, I don’t know…..but isn’t it great." Another answered.

(one who spoke with friendly authority)

"Beautiful," one whispered, his voice wrapped purely in mirth.

Just then a golden city spread out before them, almost out of nowhere. It bubbled and sparkled with waves of euphoric beauty. And they looked down upon it from a mountaintop. The mountain itself was phantom-like and drifted in and out of reality.

From behind them, perked up a voice

"Say there sweeties!"

The Rafans jumped in a start and released hands. With this their former human appearances returned. (It was only their appearances mind you not their bodies at all.) Before them, clad in fishnet and negligée (which revealed a tasty glimpse of nipple) stood a woman. She was long, slender. Her scarlet hair wrapped excitedly around her in velvety strands.

The Sex Mistress bent down on hands and knees praising this woman. She mumbled something like "At last I’ve found you." And something about whipping a little bare ass. It was interesting, but a lot of wonderful fun!

"Is this heaven?" The Chameleon asked as his long forked tong unconsciously ran down and up this woman’s inner thigh provoking an enthusiastic giggle.

"No, not yet." She sweetly smiled. "But you may now be on your way…. Look."

With that appeared behind her a massive spacecraft, it shimmered in fluorescent blacklight, a deep blue with lemon yellow lighting. Upon it, written in bold bright letters, was….

The U.R.F.N. ENTERPRISE

"It’s huge!" The Spirit gawked.

"I would crash that" stated The TOT

"We don’t kneed anything that big" said Sol Lotus

But she answered "Why, yes you do. Inside are thousands of people who have been blessed with the true Rafan spirit, many didn’t even realize it. It is your jobs as "High" priests to bring them to God. And so she ushered them aboard. "Admiral Keeper of Friendship, Captain Spirit, Captain Chameleon, Flying Ace and senior Pilot, Keeper of Mirth, First Class navigator TOT, and the rest of your crew….. May Barney be with you. And

A-Fillie-he-Cat!"

With a "Hoo HA" and a "Huzzah" they were off in a flash.

The one called Evil did his very best to prevent the Rafans from making it to God.

He shot at them, he threw things at them, he teased and he taunted, but nothing! Could stand in their way. You see, the Rafan heart is a pure one and can not be tainted. To be Rafan hearted is to experience grace. That and The Chameleon and the Ninga would kick his ass every time he got anywhere near them. (You shouldn’t ever fuck with a Rafan Space Cowboy!)

"How will we know when we reach God?" Asked The Little Friend

"He will show us the way." The Keeper of Mirth said as he pointed to The Snooze hovering before their vessel.

The Giant Jolly ball turned and gave a wink to the ship and The Little Friend stumbled backwards in surprise.

Admiral Friendship walked about the spacecraft (It was roughly the size of Rhode Island) and he spoke with his people, he gave them sermons and he smoked with them.

The TOT discovered that the inventor of his navigational computer to be the legendary Normal Strange, which explained the reason for the computers orders such as travel north-south, and all of it’s funny colored lights.

Barney

Is

The Rafan High Priests stepped forward and were all individually greeted by Barney, and then he welcomed the masses.

"Come" he said. "We didn’t expect you to land back here. Dad’s home so we’ll just go in through the back door and meet him."

And the Rafans followed

"We landed in the back yard of God!?!" The TOT whispered to The Spirit in disbelief.

It is far to impossible to write down the events that occurred in the presence of God. For his greatness is so simple almost all understanding and memory of him lie just out of reach in the deepest depth of the mind.

We spent what could have been, except that there is no conception of "time" in heaven, centuries with the angels reveling in beauty, harmony, joy, and utter happiness.

The Keeper of Mirth had become incredibly well acquainted with a man who could part water. The Keeper of friendship spent most of his timeout in the wilderness with Barney. Everyone found their places and commenced life (or afterlife) utopia.

The Spirit, far more energetic than any other being ever to enter heaven, was separated and poured into the hearts of the people all around. He also performed a weekly showcase every Saturday night with the Chameleon at "Seamore Sperm’s Stand-up Show Stage!" The TOT and Normal Strange surfed the internet most days and he would join every once in a while with Agent Jay in Jay’s coffee shop.

The Sol Lotus fell in love with a number of angels. The Little Friend worked in the pot fields and loved it. The Sex Mistress became the sheriff…………of domination. The Chameleon became a champion checkers player and the Ninga read every book he could get his karate chops on. Everyone found a place and every place found a one.

Then one day, God came to them, bashfully, he spoke…...

"Um, I know you guys are in literal heaven and everything but do you think that maybe, well you might want to go back to earth and save it from certain doom?"

All of the Rafans began to shake their heads and answer in an incredible "Negative, No,. Nah-ah, No way buddy, You may be God and everything but…" and so forth and so on.

But it was Mirth who spoke first

"Ok but can I borrow some cd’s?"

And their fate was sealed.

A nearby ocean began to foam and bubble. It’s waves rose and fell in a fury. Suddenly flames shot into the air and a giant inferno in the shape of a phoenix flew into the air. At the center of the beastly vision was a brand new dodge caravan with sliding doors on both sides. It reved it’s engine and the bird swooped down and landed.

The Rafan Space Cowboys were cheered on by the crowd as they made their way into the van. One by one, Barney said his goodbyes to the Rafans and they knelt down before him and with his very own bowl he knighted them. The Keeper of Mirth became "Moses", the keeper of friendship became "Jesus", Sol-Lotus became "Adam", The Sex Mistress became"Mary", The Spirit was one with all so he became "God", The Chameleon he called "Gabrielle" and so forth and so on with each Rafan. Barney handed each of them a golden sceoll.

And with a Hoo-Ha and a Huzzah

They were on their way.

The van swooped down near to the earth. And as time and reality slipped into and around us our senses returned and toyed with our minds.

The Rafans, all, weretossed from the double doors each landing in random places.

Some drinking, some smoking, even some on acid.

Some laughing, some crying, some just enjoying the quiet.

Eventually each Rafan opened their scrolls and scripted there, by god’s own hand were their destinies. Each one different, different indeed. But each carried the same message at the beginning…

And scripted at the end of each letter,,,,,

Like the phoenix, we are unending!

"We sing the body electric, we glory in the glow of rebirth.

Creating our own tomorrow, when we shall embody the earth…

And in time, we will all be stars."